Monday, November 12, 2012

What does "success" look like?


One of my first and favourite mentors, Ross McLean, used to ask this question when we were designing solutions to our clients’ intellectual property issues. It struck a chord with me because often in life we are so focused on the process and the expected outcome that we forget to look at what it is we are really trying to achieve. Over the last 12 years, I have used this question a lot, both in my professional life and my personal life. It helps to pinpoint what you are really trying to achieve.
With my work with Mitrataa, we often struggle with the question of how to measure “success” – we live in a world obsessed by measurable outcomes, SMART goals and being able to “prove the impact and value” of our work. But does success always have to be measurable? Could it be like the “star factor” that directors look for in actors – “I don't know what it is but I know it when I see it”.
A recent example from a workshop we ran on teaching life skills to a hand-picked team of life skills facilitators in Nepal. We often discuss in our team what “success looks like” for our life skills program. We can’t teach, for example, gratitude, and tick a box at the end saying “We taught them about gratitude, now they are grateful.” It doesn't work like that. How do we show that the girls understand this powerful concept and how to apply it as a skill in their daily lives? During this workshop, we brainstormed what a person who understood how to use gratitude as a tool might act, what observable behaviours might they exhibit that we could take as signs of success of our program. We did it from the perspective of the person involved – “I thank my friends when they do something for me”, “I can make a list of things I am grateful for in my life to help me in hard times” etc. But is this really “success” in terms of our program?
Then I started thinking about what success means in terms of our lives – what does a “successful person” look like? And how does “success” contribute to our happiness? Success will always be subjective but I think we have an unhealthy definition of successful which rules our dreams now – it involves money, material possessions, things that are easy to see and measure. “Wow, look at his big house, he must be successful.” “Oh they are going on holidays to Hawaii, their business must be successful.” When I searched for an image using the key word "success", the results all involved either climbing a ladder (ie always just out of reach) or people in suits making lots of money. Then there were the group that had a fork in the road with success one way and failure the other. Is it one or the other? I believe that the road to 'success' (whatever that is) is filled with 'failures' which help us to learn and grow. What are we teaching our kids if it's an either/or proposal - what if they fail? Can they never be 'successful'?

Our view of success needs to change if we want to live sustainably on our planet, working together to make the world (not just our own individual world) a better place for everyone.
David Orr says it best:
'The plain fact is that the world does not need more successful people; but it does desperately need more peacemakers, healers, restorers, storytellers and lovers of every kind. It needs people who live well in their places. It needs people of moral courage willing to join the fight to make the world habitable and humane. And these qualities have little to do with success as our culture has defined it.'

Thursday, August 30, 2012

Laughter and Life – a morning with Patch Adams


Last week I had an assignment due on laughter as a tool in our wellness toolbox. I spent a blissful hour reading a chapter in our textbook by Dr Hunter Adams, the real doctor behind the Robin Williams character in the famous Patch Adams movie.
Here are some of his thoughts which struck me:
1)    “To be healthy is to have a body toned to its maximum performance potential, a clear mind exploding with wonder and curiosity and a spirit happy and at peace with the world” – Doesn't this delicious description make you want it?

2)    “Life is a cascade of choices, and we are an expression of both the short term and the long term choices we make.” – What a wonderful phase, a cascade of choices. In these times, we have an overload of choices, of options, and that actually makes it more difficult in many ways because we constantly question the ones we make and wonder “what if we’d made a different one”. Whereas if we don't have a huge selection of choices, we tend to accept our choice and get on with making the most of it, focusing more on the outcome and therefore more likely to enjoy the process and feel more satisfied with the journey.

3)    “If love is the foundation for happiness, then fun, play and laughter are the vehicles for its expression.” – So true and created such a wonderful image in my mind of little fun coloured cars zipping around a map of love with a soundtrack of giggles.

4)    . . .”so few adults I have spoken with speak of life as a wondrous zestful journey, and most illnesses seen by a family doctor have a huge lifestyle component, frustrating the physician because they could have been prevented with self-care.” – We live in a time where this is unfortunately even more true but we’re fortunate that the wellness movement gives us so many wonderful tools with which to tinker with our wellness and take better care of ourselves so we can appreciate the wondrous zestful journey of life.

5)    And some myths about laughter that according to Dr Adams keep us from laughing:

a.    That we need a reason to laugh – oh, no. Laughter for no reason is the best kind!

b.    That we laugh because we are happy – the reality is that we are happy because we laugh!
c.  A sense of humour is the same thing as laughter – wrong! They are very different processes. Laughter just takes a willingness to let go and enjoy yourself. If you haven’t tried laughter yoga, go ahead and try it! It is an incredibly freeing experience and will keep a smile on your face all day!
I hope to share my laughter article with you at some stage. In the meantime, go out and have a great laugh. You’ll be happy you did! I’m off to get watch the Patch Adams movie again!

Wednesday, August 8, 2012

Our marriage is like the New iPad – more of the same, including more of the amazingness!

The night before leaving Australia after a wonderfully inspiring and challenging month in Australia with my gorgeous husband, I had dinner with my amazing friend, Fleur. She was telling me how her brother-in-law had reflected on Adam and my current life apart and concluded that he could never be away from his wife like that as they are too much in love and too close. This shook me initially because I would have described me and Adam like that a few years ago. I’d still describe us as close and incredibly in love – just following our mutual dreams in different locations for a while. But I actually think this 18 months of living apart has strengthened each of us and therefore our relationship in many ways. We have learned to be independent, strong in new ways, but because our relationship is so strong, our newfound independence made us stronger together too – sure our relationship has changed and we have some rebuilding to do but in a great way, full of possibilities.

Never once have I doubted that that we’re meant to be together and will be together. That’s a given. But if you’d told me that I could live on my own in Nepal, raise 2 amazing Nepali daughters on my own, run Mitrataa and a children’s home with 200 kids, I'd have laughed and thought you were crazier than I was! I was the cherished one, the one who was supported and inspired by my incredible husband. But now I have that amazing gift of unconditional support together with knowing myself, how much I can handle, how strong and driven I can be. What an incredible combination. Adam also now knows what he can do, how he can inspire himself and create something amazing. And that I can survive without him which is freeing for him – but he also knows how much I need him, we need each other in an even healthier way now.

So we get to rebuild – same blocks, and a few new ones to add, a wonderful new version of our relationship. That’s not to say it was broken and needed fixing – it was amazing already. But now it’s even more so – and deeper and stronger and richer with our daughters as well. Kind of like the iPad really – the first version was amazing and we all thought it was the best thing ever – but while we swooned, Apple didn't stop and pat themselves on the back for long and say ‘Our job is done.’ They kept innovating, developing, stretching, building on what was working and leaving out the bits that didn't. The result – the latest New iPad is . . . well, more of the same; including MORE of the amazing, blowing us away again. As it is with our relationship – no doubt there will continue to be new versions of the iPad. And our relationship will continue to grow too. How lucky am I! Thanks to my gorgeous husband for being so amazing!

Friday, August 3, 2012

Who cares about the hole in the path? Go around it and discover the pleasure of walking on the grass!

Sitting on the plane returning to Kathmandu and indulging in reading the August issue of O Magazine. There is a section of 10 quizzes designed to help you get to know yourself; ranging from “How do you find joy?” to “How much stress can you take?”. I was drawn by the page with the big, empty white box in the middle, empowered through its separation from the words around it by a three-lined grey border. My eyes returned to the top of the page to see what it would teach me about myself – “What’s your best problem solving approach?”

Part 1, the instructions read: “Think of a dilemma you’re currently facing.” Which one, I giggle to myself. “Now quickly push it aside and switch mental gears: Imagine you’re walking through a park when you come to a hole in the ground blocking your path. In the space below [ah, the gorgeous box!], sketch a scene that illustrates how you manage to continue on your way.”
Once I overcame the fear of sketching anything, I thought, “Well, that’s easy, what’s so hard. You simply step off the path, go on the grass around the hole and rejoin the path on the other side!”
Part 2, the instructions continued: “The way you drew yourself getting past the hole – whether on a tree-branch bridge or in a hot air balloon – may give you a new perspective on getting past the obstacle you’re facing in real life.” Insert screeching tyres sound here – Hgh? Hot air balloon? Who’s making such a big deal out of a little hole in the road?!
Then the article asks a series of questions:
·         “Q. How big is the hole? If it is more like a ditch than a canyon, maybe your real world problem isn’t as severe as you thought.”
·         “Q. Did you use the environment around you to get across the hole? If so, you might benefit from friends/family/counselling support.”
·         “Q. Did you draw your picture quickly? If you were guided by instinct, trust your gut. But if you took your time to think, you might want to learn more about your problem before you continue.”
·         “Q. Did you take a risk, a leap of faith? Bold action just might move you closer to your goal.”
Ah, this made me laugh! For me, it was just a hole, so go off the path and walk around it. No big deal, there will no doubt be more; and who needs the path anyway? Enjoy the feeling of the grass underfoot for a moment and rejoin the path on the other side if you like – or don’t. Maybe continue on the grass! Sure it has its risks – it’s a bumpier ride, you might get lost etc. But it feels amazing and who knows what you’ll find! Besides the path, while clear and sure to get you to the other side, had its holes too, right? And isn’t the purpose to enjoy the park, not get to the other side the fastest?

Tuesday, February 21, 2012

The power of gratitude - and daughters!

I have long believed in the power of gratitude to contribute to our happiness. After all, it is difficult to be angry/frustrated/sad/[insert any other negative emotion here] if you are feeling grateful for the wonderful things in your life. It could be the little things (a smile from a loved one, an unexpected green light on the way to work) or the big things (a new job, a wonderful relationship). There is always something to be grateful for which will put a smile on your face -try it!

Today, it was my daughter, Nimu, who wins my Hero of the Day Award! We've been without gas (and therefore hot water) for weeks due to the gas shortage in Kathmandu. Knowing I was desperate for a hot shower, my incredible daughter surprised me - telling me there was hot water and to come quickly to shower. I dashed down, thinking she was joking but hopeful nonetheless. And she had boiled 2 buckets full of hot water for me! The feeling of the hot water running over my body made me feel human again - and overwhelmed with gratitude for the hot water, for the electricity being on so I could sit in front of the heater afterwards (we only have 5 hours of electricity a day so lots to be grateful for when it's on, especially unexpectedly), but most importantly, an incredible sense of gratitude for my amazing daughter who really is the best daughter in the whole wide world!

So after a long, busy week and a month of no hot water, the power of gratitude (and a bit of hot water!) to put a smile back on my face sure worked for me. Try it, I guarantee it will work.

You can start with being grateful next time you flick a switch and the light comes on or turn on the tap and hot water comes out! Enjoy!

And thanks, Nimu, I love you so much!

Be happy, healthy and have fun!
Bec xoxo

Tuesday, February 7, 2012

It's the little things that make up the overall picture of the day!

Our days are like one of those mosiac images - a picture made up of hundreds of tiny images which, when viewed from a distance, give an overall view of a different picture. It's a series of moments, of tiny actions or events, that create the overall impression of our day. So even if there is a bad moment - an argument, an annoying email or phone call, a red light - the overall colour of the day may still be bright!

So today, I had some wonderful moments:
  • Rachana, one of my wonderful team members that I have the honour of working with, came top of her class in her Masters results;
  • Lata, one of the fantastic girls at Bal Mandir, was in a giggly, happy mood, putting a smile on everyone's faces with her joy at the simple pleasure of having ribbons gently run over her face;
  • Nimu, my daughter, was so excited to have pizza at our favourite restaurant, Fire and Ice.
All of these gave a wonderful positive tone to my day. Sure, there were a few frustrations, but they gave balance to the bright spots, highlighting the wonderful.

So next time you miss a parking spot or your coffee is cold, remember it's only one small moment that contributed to the mosaic of your day. Don't let it become the complete picture - keep it as a balancing tool for highlighting the fantastic moments.

Enjoy and be happy, healthy and have fun always,
Bec xox